Selfie of Photograher Tyler Dean King. Image found on NYTimes.com

Ummm…let me just start off by saying that I’m not quite sure what’s going on here. Now let me rephrase that to “WTF”. Unless Candy Land exploded, tossing all its inhabitants across the globe, I can’t think of a better explanation. Have you seen them? Dudes running around with beard dye, looking like a bag of damn Skittles (an expensive bag at that).

I keep seeing images pop up everywhere so I thought I’d enlighten all of you. I’m not talking about men using beard dye to get rid of grays. No. Guys are going into salons, bleaching their beards, then using beard dye to color their beards, and then paying upwards of $200 for it. I mean sure it’s unique, it’s different, and I guess if only a few folks have it then it’ll be somewhat of a novelty. But Lord Baby Jesus, I hope this doesn’t hit the masses. Just imagine: business men across the globe going to work in their expensive tailored suits, going to serious business meetings, keeping stern faces, all in flamboyantly colored beards. Now imagine your boss trying to scold you while wearing a sensible fluorescent blue beard—absolutely hilarious! It’s crazy, but to each his own. I just thought I’d warn y’all. So watch out New York, Berlin, Paris, and London…there’s a beard apocalypse on the way. If it gets too popular, you may have to look out for DIY Brooklyn Soap Beard Dye (#justsayin).